To you who sent me the Christmas card

Hello,

Yes, it's me alright.

Thank you for the card, and thank you too for respecting my desire for anonymity.

So, that makes 3 people who know who I am and I trust you all.

See you guys around,
TSCD

PS. By the way, if any of you three visit this site again, please do say 'Hi' and make sure I know who you are. It's cool.

Meh

Today, I got yelled at. In front of EV-REE-BO-DEE. I got yelled at by the toadlike female consultant who always wears shapeless brown outfits. And, she was loud. Especially loud on the subject of my incompetence.

Mrs Toad: You are incompetent!!
TSCD: But...why?
Mrs Toad: You have not put a urinary catheter in this man! You are incompetent!
TSCD: But...
Mrs Toad: This man has kidney problems and he is septic and you have handled him incompetently!
TSCD: But...
Mrs Toad: He should have been catheterised so we can monitor his urine output, you incompetent sod!
TSCD: But...But...
Mrs Toad: Incompetent, incompetent, incompetent! (turns to patient) When was the last time you passed urine?
Patient: Oh...about 5, 6 years ago.
Mrs Toad: What?!!
TSCD: His kidney failure is from obstructed kidneys. He can't pass urine. He gets dialysis 3 times a week. That's why I didn't put a catheter in. (thinks: HA! So there.)
Mrs Toad: Well, why didn't you tell me that, you incompetent doctor??? (flounces off)
TSCD: Meh. (thinks: you need some retail therapy, woman)

Boxing Day

The jackpot
Originally uploaded by Sunshine follows me.

So check it out, it's the pile of presents under our Christmas tree (that is, our entertainment system completely plastered with Christmas cards and topped with a Nativity scene).

Here are some of the things I received for Christmas this year:

1.Ceramic ramikins for the future creation of souffles

2. Two Johnny Cash CDs

3. A book about the history of Ukrainian tractors

4. A cloth bound birthday/anniversary book - may I never forget to send another card ever again

5. Black leather choker with an iridescent crystal pendant for the days I spend hanging out at the biker's bar

6. LED flowers. In red. Obviously, decorations that will last from Christmas to Chinese New Year

7. A tax disc holder from NEXT for my Mini. It is in the shape of a pink pig. I may trade it in for a red ladybird if there are any more in stock after the Boxing Day sales.

8. Holdup tights, black with a glittery backseam. Very sexy.

9. 'Scrubs' DVDs

10. A dinner with my family, filled with carols, topped with a kiss from MDH

The best part of Christmas presents is giving them away. It is such a priviledge to be able to choose and purchase a present for someone, wrap it up in beautiful patterned paper and decorate it with a fancy ribbon star.

I love watching people's faces as they open a present on Christmas Day - the anticipation in their eyes as they scrabble with fingers trying to tear off the paper, the flush of excitement on their cheeks as they catch the first glimpse of the surprise that lies beneath the paper, the sparkle in their smile when they look back at me with gratitude. It's wonderful. Really wonderful.

It's almost as good as watching people's faces as they tuck into a delicious Christmas feast. Oh, the satisfaction. MmmmMmmm.

Hope you all had a wonderful, blessed Christmas! I certainly did.

The feast
Originally uploaded by Sunshine follows me.

Realism

I'm baaaaack!

We did some serious Christmas shopping at one of the outlet malls in America. Seriously. I highly recommend the Chelsea Premium Outlet Malls - if you visit their website you can print out loads of coupons which can also be used against sale items. So, we managed to get at at least 70% off the retail price for most of our shopping. Whee!

Our loot consists of:
1. 4 pairs of Nike trainers
2. 1 pair of Timberland boots
3. 3 Timberland woollen jumpers
4. 2 shirts from The Gap
5. 12 Guess?/Banana Republic/Timberland T-shirts
6. 2 skirts from Banana Republic
7. 4 pairs of denim jeans from Banana Republic/The Gap
8. 2 pairs of corduroy trousers from Banana Republic
9. 2 brown leather Coach wallets
10. 1 silver snowflake bag charm from Coach
11. 3 magnets from Kennedy Space Centre
12. 3 enamel pins from DisneyWorld
13. 1 100ml bottle of 'Polo Black'
14. 1 100ml bottle of 'Bulgari Aqua Pour Homme'
15. 2 leather belts
16. 3 packets of Reese's peanut butter cups
17. 2 packets of York peppermint patties
18. 1 packet of LifeSavers
19. 1 packet of Hershey's chocolates
20. 1 packet of Butterfinger

Have a wonderful Christmas, everyone (I know I will)!

Escapism

Today, MDH and I are going for a Multidisciplinary Team Meeting. This means, of course, the annual Christmas party for the doctors, nurses, ward clerks and the allied health professionals. We intend to be fashionably late, and leave early (before the alcohol binging starts - the usual finale of a typically British function).

Tomorrow, we fly. Escapism is just another word describing the America, Land of the Free. And where better to start our American Adventure than in the magical world of Disney?

See you in a week!

Advent

On the twelfth day of Christmas the GP sent to me...

Twelve purulent peons
Eleven violently vomiting
Ten dames with diarrhoea
Nine geriatric gentlemen
Eight carbuncled conkers
Seven faeculant flesh-wounds
Six suppurating singles
Five acute asthmatics
Four with chesty coughs
Three bleeding bowels
Two for ovarian oncology
And a teenage girl addicted to morphine!!!!!!!!!

A glorified secretary

It's been 4 days now and I am still stuck in the oubliette, forgotten and alone.

I cannot believe I went through medical school so that I could sit in a hole and type letters. I became a doctor so that I could have patient contact but instead, I am sitting and listening to Mugglecast whilst sifting through patient notes and writing discharge summaries!

Occasionally, the internal records server would suffer an aneurysm, which would force me to surf the internet until it recovers. The first time this happened, I tried to escape to the main department in the hope of actually seeing some patients. Unfortunately, I was captured and marched back to my cell by the uniformed guards (ie. Matron and her evil Sidekicks). They chained me to the desk. As punishment, they confiscated my water source. Now, I can't make my own tea. Oh, the humanity.

Apparently, no self-respecting secretary would take this job. The only secretary employed to fill this post could not handle the continual pressure of having to decode stacks of medical hieroglyphics for nine hours a day and resigned only after a few weeks.

These letters have to be sent to the GP within a week of the patient's discharge, otherwise the GPs can fine the hospital a rather hefty sum which is calculated per letter. Hence, Human resources have decided to incorporate 'letter days' into the junior doctor's rota - guess it is more cost-effective to pay doctors than to pay fines.

The Chokey

I am huddled in a small cupboard. I have been here for three days now.

There are no windows.

The only light is from the dimly flickering computer screen.

There are no vents. The air is mouldy and old. It makes me cough.

It is very dark in here.

The walls are covered in thumbtacks and staples.

I am surrounded by tall stacks of plastic folders with broken, jagged covers, and they are closing in on me. I am unable to move or turn. My skin is covered in scratches and cuts.

Every five minutes, a large woman with a loud voice will bang on the door to this terrible place. I shudder as she reaches in and adds more sharp edged files to the stacks.

Sometimes, a thin man with an equally thin moustache will stand outside the oubliette. "Type, type, type!", he screams, pointing at all the folders, "Keep going! Don't stop!". His eyes are bloodshot, and his hands are bony.

I am hunched over the computer, typing, typing, typing, typing. My fingers are very sore now.

Typing patient discharge summaries for hours and hours.

It is very dark in here.

Let me out!

Shaken and stirred

I've finally had the chance to watch Casino Royale. It's refreshing to see a good old-fashioned punch-'em-up without all the kungfu styling.

I have decided that Daniel Craig is not as awful as I thought. He is HOT, but also very, very irritating. I think it is because he looks really smug. He makes me want to slap him across the face with the back of my hand. Rrrowr.

Another actor who is both HOT, yet irritating, is Jonathan Rhys Meyers. (To me, however, he will always and forever be Steerpike from Gormenghast.) He has a perpetual sneer on his face which is just calling out for someone to rake their long, polished fingernails across it. Meowwrr.

MDH says that this makes me sick and weird.

Sporadic

Well, the Aged Ps are here to visit again and then I'm off to DisneyWorld, which means that this blog will be updated whenever I get a quiet moment with the computer.

I'm also starting part two of my medical rotation in this hospital this week, which means goodbye goodbye Respiratory Medicine and hello'ello Acute Medicine. It'll almost be like being back in the Emergency Department again. I've been warned that the nurses working in the Acute Medicine unit are moody and some of them don't really give a care. I am sure that this will make for a fantastic working environment for the next 4 months. Hooray for me.

On the bright side, angry unhappy nurses = angry unhappy patients = fewer chocolate covered gifts. I look forward to losing weight.

I've just bought the nursing staff on my ward several boxes of chocolate chip cookies as a 'thank you won't you miss me when I'm gone' parting gift. I hope the day staff save some for the night nurses!

Movie Night

The drink:
Hot chocolate spiked with Bailey's Irish Cream

The food:
Grilled Portabello mushrooms stuffed with chopped Portabello mushrooms and mince
Fried rice

The movies:
Chicken Little
The Aviator