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Monday, November 28, 2005


So I passed the exams and now I am qualified to save the lives of little people aged 0-15. This is a very good thing.

Part of the course was aimed at drumming lifesaving skills into our thick skulls so that dealing with paediatric emergencies becomes more of a brain-stem reflex. This means that I no longer have to think and ponder on how to manage a very sickly child. I go automatic - no thinking, just doing. Saves time.

The other part of the course involved memorising random bits of information.

For example, I now know that when a child is being born prematurely and there isn't a baby incubator within reach, one of the first things to do to it is to keep the child warm and moist by putting it in a plastic bag.

Not just any plastic bag, okay, a food grade bag suitable for microwaving and roasting.

Obviously it's not traumatising enough to have a baby prematurely, but one also has to watch as the doctor chucks the child unceremoniously into a plastic microwavable bag.

I also now know that if a child is choking in a public place and I can't relieve the obstruction to their air passages with simple measures, the best thing to do is stab them in the neck with something pointy and then shove an emptied biro (ie. ball point pen) into the hole to act as a temporary airway.

Exciting, huh?

I hope I never have to do it.


Anonymous w. said...

Good grief. I hope you never have to do either too.

Anyway, at least they didn't tell you to put the premature kid into a microwave as well.

1:45 pm  
Blogger angry doc said...

Mmm... microwaved babies... *drool*

8:43 pm  
Blogger angry doc said...

tscd, can I:

1. link to your blog?

2. nominate you for the 2005 Medical Blog Awards?


9:24 pm  
Blogger trisha said...

About the stabbing child's neck thingee. Think I saw it in a movie once, and I thought it was a Hollywood exaggeration!

Gee, can a person really have the coolness of mind to do such a thing in an emergency?

12:13 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

*gag* - D W

12:36 am  
Blogger tscd said...

w: Tell me about it. I never want to see a kid that is that sickly.

angry doc: Wow, I don't know what to say. You think my blog should win a prize? That is so cool. Thank you.

trisha: Yes, it is a real procedure, that's why we need training in order to become competent and know where we are stabbing! And like I said, the whole point is that we go autopilot during an emergency. I don't know about coolness of mind - it's more of a brain numb. *steely gaze*

D W: Whoa, hang on there, don't make a mess on the floor! Let me get you a microwavable food grade plastic bag!

12:55 am  
Blogger angry doc said...

Well, I like your blog. :)

8:25 am  

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