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Monday, July 18, 2005

Here's some money, buy yourself a bell.

When people get ready to go to hospital, why don't they ever EVER have a shower first? I mean, seriously, would it hurt to have a shower and put on some clean clothes? I have to touch these people with my bare hands, and it is sometimes all I can do to stop myself from shuddering.

Before anyone goes to hospital, please have a shower, paying special attention to the creases in the groin area, the underarms and the belly button. There is nothing worse than having to put your hand in those areas, and find all sorts of tasty tidbits stuck there for goodness knows how long. Unearth the territory behind your ears, all ye who are well-endowed (and this includes the men) should scrub underneath your breasts, and I don't care how long your nails are, as long as they don't have 5 years of soil stuck in them.


I once had a patient who was not only clean, but was also fastidious about her appearance. Every morning, when I came to see her, she smelled pleasantly of rose-scented soap and was wearing a neat dressing gown, and even had lipstick on.

Maybe you think she was being vain about her appearance, and why not? She was in hospital, a public place and just because she was ill didn't mean that she would let herself look any less presentable. She was actually quite unwell, but it was such a pleasure to look after her, because she seemed to be making an effort to look after herself and in doing so, she felt less miserable.

Of course, I'm not talking about those patients who are rushed into A&E after a dreadful accident, or people who can't move their limbs. But the rest of you who are otherwise fit should be able to spray on some eau de toilette and suck on a minty sweet, eh?



Blogger wahj said...

I suppose this is a variation on the "always wear nice underwear just in case you get in an accident and have to go to hospital" advice that we've all heard. =)

8:56 am  
Blogger tscd said...

wahj: actually, if you're in an accident and have to come to hospital, I hope you'll be wearing your worst clothes so that I'll feel less guilty about having to cut them off you with a pair fo scissors.

And there's nothing worse than hearing someone moan, "Not my Versace!" when you're trying to save their life.

4:44 pm  

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