Vitalstatistix
My best friend from college is getting married, and I'm going to be her matron-of-honour. (I hate the word "matron". It makes me feel like I should be middle aged and fat and have a heaving bosom.)
Her mum is making all the dresses, but she lives hours away on the other end of the country - so she sent me a chart with all the measurements she requires to sew the dresses. Hence, MDH and I found ourselves doing the tango with tape measures yesterday evening.
MDH was in charge of recording my dimensions and he was very happy to do it. The agreement between us was that I wouldn't ask him to read the figures out and he wouldn't laugh. However, the minute he finished measuring my waist, he emitted muffled giggle:
MDH: (muffled) teeheehee!
TSCD: What? What?
MDH: Oh...nothing.
TSCD: What do you mean 'nothing'? What did the tape measure say?
MDH: It's not important...and you said you wouldn't ask.
TSCD: Well, you broke your end of the bargain. Now spill it.
MDH: No.
TSCD: (whining) Come onnnn...tell meee....
MDH: Okay, it reads "X+2" inches.
TSCD: "X+2"? "X+2"?!!
MDH: Why?
TSCD: That is totally unacceptable! "X+2"! Argh!
MDH: "X+2" is by no means fat, you know.
TSCD: When we were married, it was "X-1". It can't be "X+2".
MDH: Well, that was years ago. You're different now.
TSCD: Not that different. I still fit into the same jeans. (jogs on the spot for a bit) Measure me again.
MDH: But, dear...
TSCD: (growling) Measure again!
MDH: "X+1" inches.
TSCD: AAAAAAAARGH! No! No, no, no, NO! You are WRONG!
MDH: (laughing) Well...then what would be acceptable?
TSCD: (thinks for a bit) "X".
MDH: Okay, this is "X". (wraps measuring tape around TSCD)
TSCD: Hurts...Can't...breathe...*choke*...
MDH: I think "X+1" is okay.
TSCD: (grudgingly) I guess.
Well, at least I know where the five kilogrammes of chocolate weight have gone. *sigh*
Her mum is making all the dresses, but she lives hours away on the other end of the country - so she sent me a chart with all the measurements she requires to sew the dresses. Hence, MDH and I found ourselves doing the tango with tape measures yesterday evening.
MDH was in charge of recording my dimensions and he was very happy to do it. The agreement between us was that I wouldn't ask him to read the figures out and he wouldn't laugh. However, the minute he finished measuring my waist, he emitted muffled giggle:
MDH: (muffled) teeheehee!
TSCD: What? What?
MDH: Oh...nothing.
TSCD: What do you mean 'nothing'? What did the tape measure say?
MDH: It's not important...and you said you wouldn't ask.
TSCD: Well, you broke your end of the bargain. Now spill it.
MDH: No.
TSCD: (whining) Come onnnn...tell meee....
MDH: Okay, it reads "X+2" inches.
TSCD: "X+2"? "X+2"?!!
MDH: Why?
TSCD: That is totally unacceptable! "X+2"! Argh!
MDH: "X+2" is by no means fat, you know.
TSCD: When we were married, it was "X-1". It can't be "X+2".
MDH: Well, that was years ago. You're different now.
TSCD: Not that different. I still fit into the same jeans. (jogs on the spot for a bit) Measure me again.
MDH: But, dear...
TSCD: (growling) Measure again!
MDH: "X+1" inches.
TSCD: AAAAAAAARGH! No! No, no, no, NO! You are WRONG!
MDH: (laughing) Well...then what would be acceptable?
TSCD: (thinks for a bit) "X".
MDH: Okay, this is "X". (wraps measuring tape around TSCD)
TSCD: Hurts...Can't...breathe...*choke*...
MDH: I think "X+1" is okay.
TSCD: (grudgingly) I guess.
Well, at least I know where the five kilogrammes of chocolate weight have gone. *sigh*
posted by tscd at 7:04 pm
3 Comments:
Maybe, but you get a special prize for the Asterix reference!
Jogging on the spot for a bit loses you ONE INCH?! Hmm. That's no fair. :p
ketsugi: Geriatrix was my favourite.
w: Jogging on the spot whilst screaming 'you're supposed to be measuring the smallest part of my torso. The smallest!! SMALLEST!!! AARGH' is guaranteed to lose you an inch.
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