Heard

Quotes from the consultant with the red bow tie:

On double glazing: "Nineteen thousand pounds for a pair of sash windows? Bollocks! I don't live in bloody Buckingham Palace."

On palpitations: "I knew a man who would stop his palpitations by jumping off the roof of his shed - and it worked every single time!"

On chest infections: "Antibiotics? Bollocks! Cough up the gunge, I say, that's the way to do it. Antibiotics are poison."

On teenagers complaining of chest pain: "Chest pain? Bollocks! Don't be a namby-pamby. Go home and play Nintendo or something."

On morning ward rounds: "Bollocks!"