Interrupted

[8:30pm, it is a foggy evening. The hospital ward is quiet. A lone Doctor sits at the nursing station reading a referral letter. ]

Male Voiceover, with South Indian Accent: Dear Doctor, thank you for seeing this lovely elderly gentleman who is mildly confused...

[Elderly Gentleman enters stage left, screaming and running. Naked.]

Elderly Gentleman: YAARRRGHHH!!!! [exit stage right]

Male Voiceover: ...with a 'query' urinary tract infection. He is normally very well, but lately is more agitated than usual...

[Nursing Staff enters stage left, waving arms in air and screaming "stop him" "no" "hurry"etc. One of them slips, falls over, and curses.]

Nursing Staff: I just washed this! [exit stage right]

Male Voiceover:...and has been incontinent of urine. His wife has been having some difficulty looking after him at home...

[Elderly Gentleman enters stage right, screaming and running. Naked. He is followed by Nursing Staff.]

Elderly Gentleman: UP ARMS AND AT EM!!! YAAARGGHHH!!! [exit stage left]

Nursing staff: YAAARGHHHH!!! [exit stage left]

Male Voiceover: ...I wonder if you would be so kind as to arrange a full social workup and treatment for his 'query' urinary tract infection. Thank you for your kind attention...

Offstage, Elderly Gentleman: Hands off, you brigands! Hands off, I say!

Offstage, Nursing Staff: Get that umbrella away from him!

Offstage, Elderly Gentleman: Ha ha! En garde! Take that! And that!

Offstage, Nursing Staff: Argh! Ow! etc

[Doctor at nursing station looks up briefly, then carries on reading]

Male Voiceover:...Yours Sincerely, Dr Nothindu.

[Doctor sighs, picks up her stethescope, walks to stage front. ]

Female Voiceover, with Singaporean accent: I don't get paid enough for this.

[exeunt]