Tupperware party
So a warning to all of you new doctors starting in the Emergency Department: whenever a patient brings in his or her own tupperware, beware - never volunteer to see the patient. Beware, I say, because I (as you know by now) have learned this valuable lesson and I have learned it the hard way. And because I am particularly stupid, I had to learn it three times over.
Learn from me, people.
Tupperware #1 -
description by patient: This tupperware contains the spider that bit me in the supermarket. I now have a small rash on my hand.
action: Stupid doctor (i.e. myself) opens up tupperware to have a look, as if she knows anything about identifying arachnids. Serves me right for trying to be a smarty pants.
result: Large spider scuttles out of tupperware onto my hand, then drops on the floor and terrorises the rest of the A&E staff. And when I say large, I mean, large. This eight-legged freak was probably living quietly amongst the bananas in the fruit section for several years before renovations work disturbed it. It was probably about 5 cm in diameter. I spent 20 minutes trying to coax it back into the tupperware, the nurses and myself screaming loudly the entire time - we couldn't kill it otherwise it might be too mangled to identify. Then we sent the tupperware to the local zoo to get the spider identified.
Tupperware #2 -
description by patient: This tupperware contains a dead snake. I killed it after it bit me in the ankle.
action: Stupid doctor (i.e. myself) opens up tupperware to have a look, as if she knows anything about identifying snakes.
result: Small adder is definitely not dead, not even remotely. Patient probably stunned it long enough to carry it into the house on a stick and ram it into a box. The snake hisses at me, but I manage to shut the tupperware before it slithers out. I managed to identify snake by looking at pictures on the internet and confirming it with the local zoo - definitely an adder, definitely mildly poisonous, definitely should have worn gloves before opening the tupperware.
Tupperware #3-
description by patient: This tupperware contains some worms that wiggled out of me when I was moving my bowels.
action: Stupid doctor (i.e. myself) puts on gloves this time and gets the patient to open the tupperware.
result: An enormous mass of writhing white tapeworms almost spills out onto the floor. The smallest of these is about 15cm long. I am suddenly aware that my face is way too close to the opening of the container. I have to send them to pathology to be identified so I spend 15 minutes trying to stuff one of these creatures into a pot normally used for storing dentures. It does not cooperate. Afterwards, I vomit copiously and then the rest of the day I scrub my hands obsessively. I will never be clean again!
Learn from me, people.
Tupperware #1 -
description by patient: This tupperware contains the spider that bit me in the supermarket. I now have a small rash on my hand.
action: Stupid doctor (i.e. myself) opens up tupperware to have a look, as if she knows anything about identifying arachnids. Serves me right for trying to be a smarty pants.
result: Large spider scuttles out of tupperware onto my hand, then drops on the floor and terrorises the rest of the A&E staff. And when I say large, I mean, large. This eight-legged freak was probably living quietly amongst the bananas in the fruit section for several years before renovations work disturbed it. It was probably about 5 cm in diameter. I spent 20 minutes trying to coax it back into the tupperware, the nurses and myself screaming loudly the entire time - we couldn't kill it otherwise it might be too mangled to identify. Then we sent the tupperware to the local zoo to get the spider identified.
Tupperware #2 -
description by patient: This tupperware contains a dead snake. I killed it after it bit me in the ankle.
action: Stupid doctor (i.e. myself) opens up tupperware to have a look, as if she knows anything about identifying snakes.
result: Small adder is definitely not dead, not even remotely. Patient probably stunned it long enough to carry it into the house on a stick and ram it into a box. The snake hisses at me, but I manage to shut the tupperware before it slithers out. I managed to identify snake by looking at pictures on the internet and confirming it with the local zoo - definitely an adder, definitely mildly poisonous, definitely should have worn gloves before opening the tupperware.
Tupperware #3-
description by patient: This tupperware contains some worms that wiggled out of me when I was moving my bowels.
action: Stupid doctor (i.e. myself) puts on gloves this time and gets the patient to open the tupperware.
result: An enormous mass of writhing white tapeworms almost spills out onto the floor. The smallest of these is about 15cm long. I am suddenly aware that my face is way too close to the opening of the container. I have to send them to pathology to be identified so I spend 15 minutes trying to stuff one of these creatures into a pot normally used for storing dentures. It does not cooperate. Afterwards, I vomit copiously and then the rest of the day I scrub my hands obsessively. I will never be clean again!
posted by tscd at 9:59 pm
4 Comments:
Oh my, oh my, oh my! I am in stitches! Yes, the tupperware is always a red flag for something less than pleasant.
EURGH. And here I thought a post entitled "Tupperware party" should be fun. Now I need to wash my hands too.
mama mia: All tupperware and icecream tubs. I mean, if we have to look at something disgusting, why don't they bring it in a clear tub then we don't have to open it!
w: The moral is wash your hands before eating. Always.
Nice blog!
Fortunately,in my encounters with medical conditions involving worms or reptiles, the aforesaid creatures were either dead or had run away.
:)
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