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Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Close encounters of the SSP kind

A close encounter, in summary.

TSCD: So, what can I do for you today?
Man: My hand hurts.
TSCD: What happened?
Man: I punched a wall.
TSCD: (not quite understanding) What?
Man: I punched a wall. In anger. I punched a wall in anger. I was aggrieved.
TSCD: (examines hand) So, you have some bruising over your knuckles.
Man: Owwowwoww! This examination is so painful that I am almost going to pass out!
TSCD: Okay. You are an idiot and a pansy, but I will get you some painkillers and an X-ray card.

(Five minutes later)

TSCD: Okay, here are some painkill...what are you doing?!
Man: I am punching the wall in anger!
TSCD: But why? (realises that Man = Shockingly Stupid Person)
SSP: I am aggrieved!
TSCD: Okay, well, it is obvious that nothing in your hand is broken. You may leave. No X-rays for you.
SSP: But what about my painkillers?
TSCD: You can't have any. You are obviously not in enough pain because you are causing pain to yourself on purpose. I am not prescribing you any strong painkillers. Go and buy some from the supermarket if you want any.
SSP: Aaargh! I will punch the wall in anger on my way out!
TSCD: Go ahead, you idiot.
SSP: Owwowwoww! My hand hurts again!
TSCD: Get lost!


Blogger jadeite said...


"I am aggrieved!"

He didn't actually SAY that, did he :P

9:58 am  
Blogger wahj said...

I can't decide whether to laugh or cry. Are you sure this man doesn't need help? (of the psychological kind) Perhaps (like that alien species in Douglas Adams' Hitchhiker novels) he should just get a sack of potatoes to punch.

10:31 am  
Blogger Tym said...

You rawk!

You also need to get someone to draw a comic strip of this. I could just see it in my head. (Alas, my comic strip-drawing abilities are actually worse than MercerMachine's...)

2:25 pm  
Blogger tscd said...

jadeite: Actually, he said "I am aggrieved that it has taken so long to get a few painkillers..." and then he went into a long tirade about the Defects Of The NHS and Service For The Common Man.

wahj: Oh, well, I cut out all the boring conversation I had with him about the connection between hitting the wall and painful knuckles and how his main problem was probably behavioural, but he was not interested in dealing with his anger. :) I did, however, suggest that he buy protective gloves if he was shadow boxing.

tym: I can't draw either. I always got a "C" in art. Even when it was fingerpainting and I fingerpainted a magnificent thumbprint city with little fingerprint people going to work in cars and jogging in the park and stuff. I was visionary, I tell you. And my visions are worth "C".

6:40 pm  

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