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Sunday, September 18, 2005

Beware the Killer Granny

94 year old lady sitting in the cubicle, surrounded by a cloud of twittering cotton haired women in pastel cardigans.

As I approach, the pastel cloud begins to hum and move around me.

"I saw it all!" Pink says, waving her arms in the air.
"They ran her over!" cries Yellow.
"Now she's hurt her leg!" moans Green, pointing at the limb in question.
"Young people nowadays..." Blue says, shaking her head.

94 year old lady, in a cream cardigan, lies back on the trolley, closing her eyes and doing an excellent impression of a dying swan.

It transpires that Mrs Cream and her friends had met up with a bunch of frivolous youngsters, and one of them had run Mrs Cream over with a scooter.

When I say 'Scooter', what I really mean is 'Motorised Wheelchair'. Moving at 2-3mph.

And when the Pastel Posse tell me that they encountered 'youngsters', what they really mean was a 67 year old and her mob of tartan skirted gangsters. Oh, those whippersnappers!

The said 67 year old is being seen by my colleague in the adjoining bay, having been smacked in the legs by Mrs Cream's
shillelagh. ('Rogues!' she screams, shaking her fist at them whilst the Tartan Team dart angry glances in my direction.)

Fortunately, neither of the ladies were seriously hurt, and the Pastel Posse and Tartan Team leave the department, snarling at each other on the way out and shaking their zimmerframes menacingly.

Woe betide anyone who provokes these feisty women. They may be frail, but they pack a wallop. Literally. I bet Mrs Cream has a mean left hook.


Blogger wahj said...

= ) "Mrs Cream" - "Mrs Pink" - "Mrs Green"
- sounds like a geriatric "Reservoir Dogs".

10:11 am  
Blogger ketsugi said...

Sounds more like Cluedo to me...

4:36 pm  
Blogger tscd said...

wahj and ketsugi: I wouldn't want to meet these ladies in a dark street corner...or be alone in the library with them and a candlestick.

9:57 pm  

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