Looking through the window

...we can see two stripes of pink.

I'm very excited but also very, very, very ill.

Normal programming will resume when I resume feeling normal.

We love Bear Grylls

We watched an episode of 'Man vs Wild' yesterday evening after dinner (we usually watch a documentary during the evening meal, but anyone who has watched 'Man vs Wild' would know that it is hardly appropriate dinnertime entertainment).

I am a big fan of Bear Grylls.  He is an all-round great guy and a good role model - and it is such fun watching him because he seems to have a real passion for his work.

And he is eye candy.

Stardust really enjoys watching documentaries and he finds 'nature probrams' absolutely fascinating.  We have already completed the entire 'Planet Earth' series as well as the 'Blue Planet' series.  I don't own any other BBC documentaries so I might have to make a trip to the library soon.  

I am impressed at how much Stardust is able to understand from watching a well-presented documentary.  MDH finds it amusing to get him to summarise each episode, just to see what knowledge he has gleaned.

Here is Stardust's summary of the Season 1 episode of 'Man vs Wild' - 'Episode 13: Kimberly, Australia'.

"Uncle Bear wears the underpants on his head.  It was raining.  Uncle has a fire.  Uncle ate the berries; Uncle makes a burp.  Uncle ate a spider.  That was nasty.  Uncle ate another spider.  That was nasty, too.  Uncle ate a snake.  That was a nice food.  Uncle's a silly man.  Silly man climbs down the tree.  Silly man jumps into the river.  Uncle saw a crocodile.  Small crocodile runs away.  Big crocodile says 'AH'."

Anybody has any interesting documentaries to recommend?  They don't necessarily have to be 'nature probrams'.  If you do, leave a comment and tell me about it!

Susanna Wesley's Household Rule #6

Here are my thoughts on Susanna Wesley's Household Rules:

Rule #6: Require all to be still during Family Worship.

I do not think that it is unreasonable to expect a very young child to show respect by maintaining a reverent attitude, especially during important occasions.  I do think it is unreasonable to expect a very young child under the age of 2 to uphold silence and remain seated for prolonged periods of time - fifteen to twenty minutes at the most.

For example, I expect Stardust to remain silent during prayer time, or when another person is speaking.  He is generally able to respect prayer time or wait for lull in conversation - but not always.  When he forgets himself, I have to remind him firmly of our expectations for him and he is usually obedient (emphasis on 'usually').

I have noticed, in my own church, that there are children who have been allowed the freedom to do as they will whilst they are toddlers...then they reach six or seven years of age when it is 'no longer cute' and their parents decide that it is time to impose restrictions upon them.  Naturally, they are resistant to the sudden change in rules and it is much more difficult to get them to comply.

It really all boils down to parental goals and expectations.  If you expect your child to behave in a certain way, and you wholeheartedly and consistently set upon reinforcing those behaviours, eventually your child will naturally try to meet your expectations.

Susanna Wesley's Household Rule #5

Here are my thoughts on Susanna Wesley's Household Rules:

Rule #5: To teach a child to pray as soon as he can speak.

I should think that this rule still applies to families who do not subscribe to any particular religion. Every family will have certain key beliefs or traditions that they hold sacred and would like to pass onto the next generation.  Christianity is the foundation on which we have chosen to build our family.

If Christianity is of singular importance in our family, it only makes sense that our number one priority is to teach Stardust about it and allow him to be involved in important family rituals as early as possible.  Since infancy, Stardust has been allowed to observe and participate in prayer time, and he has been encouraged in his early efforts to pray as well.  We make no effort to exclude him.  Now, he is able to pray independently.

For example, we brought Stardust to church with us when he was a month old (it would have been earlier, had I not decided to adhere to the traditional confinement period) and as far as possible, we tried to allow him to sit with us throughout the service instead of bringing him out to the creche.  Of course, this took planning on our part because we did not want him to be a distraction or a nuisance to the rest of the congregation, but it was possible for Stardust, as an infant, to sit quietly through a 90 minute service, especially after observing all the adults in the church sanctuary.

All this rule is saying is that if there is something that you hold dear, let your children be a part of it and they will also learn to treasure the experience.  Never underestimate what a child is capable of doing and understanding.  Children learn by observing adults and copying them...and their little eyes and ears do not miss much.

Man for hire

Name: MDH

Objective: 

Seeking a position that utilises my extensive experience and knowledge in the field of parenting 

Strengths:

1. Proven ability to act quickly under pressure 

2. Understanding of all key health and sanitation concerns

3. Basic mastery of feeding, bathing and diapering techniques

4. Full range of managerial and disciplinary skills

5. Persuasive speaking competent

Experience:

2008 - present

Father to one Stardust: Specialist in direct supervision of physical activity, performed studies in toddler sociology, monitoring progress of ongoing developmental processes

Note:

Willing to work for room and board.

(Happy Father's Day, MDH!  Thank you for being such a great daddy.)

Susanna Wesley's Household Rule #4

Here are my thoughts on Susanna Wesley's Household Rules:

Rule #4: Subdue self-will in a child, and those working together with God to save the child's soul.

I think this rule works in every family, regardless of religious affiliation.  It really is all about the purpose of discipline and the people who are responsible for care-giving.

The definition of 'self-will' here refers to the selfish obstinacy of following one's own desires at the expense of other people.  It is necessary to conquer and overcome one's own desires in order to be able to fit into and contribute positively to society.

Thus, the purpose of discipline should be to give children the tools that they require in order to function in society as responsible, well-adjusted and independant human beings...that is, one has to teach the child to be able to control his or her own behaviour and consider how their decisions and actions make an impact on the world around them.

It is interesting to note that Susanna Wesley does not want self-will to be completely removed from a child.  A child needs to be tamed, but not broken.  A child with no self-will at all becomes nothing more than a jellyfish.  A child who is spineless and who is not able to stand up for themselves or for the things that they believe is very prone to bullying, even as an adult.

Therefore, disciplinary methods should avoid humiliation (e.g. name-calling, allowing them to soil themselves) or public embarrassment (eg. loudly reprimanding or smacking them in front of friends) which only serves to break a child's self-confidence and spirit.

In Singapore, we would say that the child should not have to 'lose face' - they should be allowed to receive punishment with honour (i.e. in private and in a manner that is age-appropriate) and be able submit to authority with dignity (i.e. no grovelling or self-debasement).

The rule encompasses all who are involved in raising the child - that means that this rule not only applies to the primary caregivers (eg. parents, child-minders) but also applies to secondary caregivers (eg. older siblings, grandparents, educators).

Every person who is in contact with children has a responsibility towards them and must realise that their actions will make an impression.  They are required to put aside their personal agendas and co-operate with each other in order to instill in the child those core precepts that will guide him or her in the future.

Susanna Wesley's Household Rule #2

Here are my thoughts on Susanna Wesley's Household Rules:

Rule #2: As children they are to be in bed by 8 p.m.

Stardust's bedtime is around 8 to 8:30pm (although on special occasions, he is allowed to stay up past 9:30pm) and several of my peers feel that he sleeps too early.

The reason why I chose 8pm as Stardust's bedtime is I want him to have a good, long sleeptime and wake up fresh at around 7 to 7:30am in the morning.  Singapore is much cooler during the morning hours, and an early start ensures that we will have the opportunity to go outdoors for a short while before the world turns into a sauna.  Additionally, most schools in Singapore start the day as early as 7:15am, so I figured that it would be a good idea to get him into the habit of early rising, so that his mind is the most active during the morning when learning will take place.

A bedtime of 8pm also means that Stardust gets the chance to see MDH off to work in the morning as well as spend a few hours with him during the evening.

Stardust, at the moment, also takes a late afternoon siesta for an average of 2 hours between 2:30pm and 6pm (the hottest part of the day).  This gives me a chance to prepare the evening meal, as well as have an hour for myself to relax.

Since I have arrived in Singapore, I have noticed that many of the children here have very poor sleeping habits.  I have no problem with children sleeping past 8 pm, as long as they are allowed to wake up late the next day.  However, many of the school-going children here tend to sleep at around 10 or 11pm, waking up as early as 5 or 6am in order to get to school.  

I must admit that not everybody needs 10 hours of sleep in order to function, however, after talking to a few schoolteachers, many of their students fall sleep in class or appear sullen and exhausted.  I have also noticed that pre-schoolers who have poor sleep habits tend to have short attention spans and an even shorter temper.  I am very aware that if Stardust goes to bed late, the next day is a total write-off.

I think that parents underestimate the importance of a good night's rest.  The guideline for adults is an average of 8 hours sleep (that is, some people need more and others need less), but for young adults and children, an average of 12-15 hours of sleep is required (infants need much, much more - around 18 hours).

The reason why children need more sleep than adults is because sleep is essential for the growth and rejuvenation of the body - not just the skeleton and muscles, but also the immune and nervous system.  The growth hormones are preferentially secreted during sleep, and it has been suggested that deep 'REM' sleep is absolutely necessary for normal brain development, specifically memory processing and reinforcement.

Sleep deprivation or any accumulation of a sleep 'debt' results in fatigue - usually manifested in the form of 'microsleep' episodes ('nodding off' for a few seconds) and a reduced ability to control emotions. 

Therefore, a well-rested child is one who is physically fit, emotionally stable and mentally alert, ready to listen and to learn.  Susanna Wesley, unlike most of her contemporaries during the age of Querelle des Femmes, was a firm believer in education and she homeschooled all her children in the basics of reading, writing and 'rithmetic.


As one can see, the old saying, 'early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise', is quite true.

International Museum Day 2010

So, this Sunday (23rd May) is International Museum Day 2010 and all the museums in Singapore are having an open house!  It's a good opportunity to bring along the family and have a day out.

My dad is a big fan of museums and I have inherited his love for them.  I remember the first museum I ever really loved was the Smithsonian National Air and Space Museum - just seeing the Spirit of St Louis hanging from the ceiling was enough to fuel my imagination for days.

Stardust has already been to visit the National Museum, the Peranakan Museum and the Singapore Art Museum.  It's a good way to expose him to new ideas and visual concepts, and to have a platform to teach him about art, history and culture.  My dad loves to watch Stardust's response to the exhibits and listen to his interpretation of what they represent.

I will probably bring him to the National Museum and the Singapore Art Museum this Sunday, but if we have time, we might visit the Philatelic Museum as well.

Have a great weekend!  Maybe I'll see you at the museum.

Susanna Wesley's Household Rule #1

So here's my thoughts on Susanna Wesley's Household rules, starting with Rule #1:

Eating between meals is not allowed

Mealtimes are very stressful over at my house.  Stardust and I used to have regular battles over food.  This is probably my fault to begin with - I started weaning Stardust onto solid foods when he was 6 months old (the usual recommended age for starting a child on solids) and I probably pushed him too hard. 

It's stressful for a parent, preparing a single, solitary tablespoon of rice cereal, only to find that the baby takes a mouthful and then refuses the rest.  One starts to worry about starvation and weight loss and malnutrition and rickets.

In retrospect, I should have just been more relaxed about it from the start. 

After reading a few books on weaning and consulting experienced parents, I realised the following:
1. You can't force a child to eat if they are not hungry. 
2. A hungry child will eat whatever is placed in front of them.
3. A child will never understand the feeling of hunger if they consume small amounts on an ad hoc basis.
4. An irregular eating pattern is usually associated with an unhealthy diet or an unhealthy eating habit (e.g binging and skipping meals).

Susanna Wesley's Household Rule #1 is very sensible.  I find that set mealtimes are very useful because it means that all the post-meal clean up is much easier to manage. At the end, I wash the dishes and wipe all the crumbs off the dining table and kitchen, and it's all done until the next meal. Susanna Wesley had NINETEEN children. If she was forever trying to provide snacks at random times and trying to clean up food messes afterwards, she could be wiping down the dining table again and again all day long.


Additionally, establishing an eating pattern using mealtimes that are evenly spaced out during the day is a good way of regulating the physical metabolism of the body.

Nibbling in between meals takes the edge off an appetite and definitely reduces the feeling of hunger.  If the child has already had a cookie or few slices of apple or a glass of milk as a snack, it is not reasonable to expect them to eat a full cooked meal afterwards, even if you wait for half an hour.  Maybe an hour or two later, they'll be ready for a full meal.

Limiting meals to a reasonable length of time also helps to maintain sanity.  (In our household, mealtimes are limited to 45 minutes - I would have it shorter, but Stardust is a very slow eater.)  If the child has only eaten a few mouthfuls and adamantly refuses more, then at the end of the mealtime, remove the leftovers and consider it eaten.  No more food until the next mealtime.  It's not worth battling for fifteen minutes just to force one more pathetic spoonful into an unwilling mouth.  It makes both parties feel angry and resentful.

This is not to say that the portions eaten during each mealtime are exactly the same or that the times of the meals are rigidly set - if the child eats less at one meal, it is reasonable to offer more food at the next meal or let them have their snacktime a few minutes earlier. Additionally, mealtimes do not necessarily only include breakfast, lunch and dinner, but also elevenses, tea and supper - whatever works for your family, as long as eating only takes place during those times.

A prayer for good continence

Stardust: Thank you God for the morningtime, and for Mummy, and for Daddy.  Thank you for a nice playground time with my friend.  Please help me to be a good boy and grow up strong and healthy...and please help me to keep my underpants dry.  In Jesus's name I pray, AMEN.

The 16 Rules of the Household

I have recently become acquainted with the "mother" of the Methodist Church, Susanna Wesley.  She was the mother of 19 children - two of whom are associated with the foundation of the Methodist Church - John and Charles Wesley.  In a time when women were illiterate, it was she who actively pursued an education and was fundamental in homeschooling her own children.

I am especially impressed with the 16 rules by which she ran her household.  Her rules reflect the belief that a self-disciplined adult must first be a parent-disciplined child. 

Susanna Wesley's 16 Household Rules

1. Eating between meals not allowed.

2. As children they are to be in bed by 8 p.m.

3. They are required to take medicine without complaining.

4. Subdue self- will in a child, and those working together with God to save the child's soul.

5. To teach a child to pray as soon as he can speak.

6. Require all to be still during Family Worship.

7. Give them nothing that they cry for, and only that when asked for politely.

8. To prevent lying, punish no fault which is first confessed and repented of.

9. Never allow a sinful act to go unpunished.

10. Never punish a child twice for a single offense.

11. Comment and reward good behavior.

12. Any attempt to please, even if poorly performed, should be commended.

13. Preserve property rights, even in smallest matters.

14. Strictly observe all promises.

15. Require no daughter to work before she can read well.

16. Teach children to fear the rod.

Over the next few weeks, I will examine each rule and see if they are still applicable in a modern context.

A day by the sea

So we met up with my mate from Northern City and spent a day along the coastline. 

We found this secluded beach and saw, in the distance, a pod of about thirty dolphins leaping and somersaulting their way across the bay.  They were too far away for us to take a picture and even though we joyfully ran along the beach trying to keep up with them, they were much too fast.

As my friend and I caught up on news, MDH and Stardust squatted in the sand and drew pictures using twigs.  Well, to be accurate, MDH drew pictures with twigs under Stardust's supervision and direction.  

As you can tell from the picture, Stardust is really into the 'Mr Men' book series at the moment (his favourites are 'Mr Happy' and 'Mr Bump').  Can you identify all the characters?

We wandered through the gum forest and along the coastal pathway, chatting about the migratory routes of people.  Stardust had an encounter with a very large green grasshopper that was sitting in the middle of the road.

Afterwards, we retired to a cafe which boasted gorgeous views of Port Phillip Bay, and had coffee and chocolate chip cookies whilst watching the boats drift lazily across the waters.

Building a world

This morning, whilst waiting for a friend to fly in from Northern City, we went to play in the field behind the apartment.

It was dry but the skies were grey and gloomy so we didn't want to walk too far from shelter.

Stardust, collecting as usual, started picking up seedpods that had fallen from the trees.

As he pottered around, we found more and more seedpods of different shapes.  Some of them looked like pinecones.

He started to pile the pods and cones on the ground in the lee of the barbeque pits so that they would be protected from the harsh winds. 

MDH helped him build a teepee around the cones out of twigs and leaves.
We found more dried leaves and flowerheads and used them to decorate his castle.

It's looking pretty good!

Rain is coming...I wonder if the teepee will last until tomorrow.  I sure hope so.  The boys seem to be quite proud of their architectural wonder.

Wet feet

We loves the wading pool, we do, we do indeed.

Pictures of the Day 4: The mountain, the sea, the beach

Pictures of the Day 3: Mt Kinabalu and...the BEACH!!!

Pictures of the Day 2: Orang Utan Sanctuary and...BEACH

Pictures of the Day 1: BEACH

Holiday!

We're all going on holiday to Kota Kinabalu!  Hooray!  It's been ages since we have had a holiday. 

Apparently, the hotel we will be staying in has got a great wireless connection, so I will be updating as we go along.

This will be Stardust's first plane ride where he gets a seat all to himself.  I've packed a big of goodies for him to keep him occupied during the trip. 

My biggest concern is the change in cabin pressure during the ascent and descent of the plane which causes inner ear discomfort - the main reason why children cry on the flight.  I have packed biscuits for the ascent (to encourage him to swallow often) and a 'Mr Happy' book for the descent (to encourage him to yawn or open his mouth wide).  For the flight, I have brought stickers and crayons, books and a new toy. 

Let's go!

Conversation

MDH: So.
TSCD: Yes?
MDH: When are we having another baby?
TSCD: I don't know. When do you think?
MDH: Let's aim for when Stardust turns 3. Or thereabouts.
TSCD: Ok. But...
MDH: Hmm?
TSCD: This sounds stupid but...whenever I think about being pregnant again, I feel really put off by the memory of nauseating all-day sickness and...and...
MDH: And..?
TSCD: And I only just started buying clothes again! Like, clothes that make me feel like a normal person and not an ageing haus-frau!!! And I despise maternity wear. It makes me feel frumpy. Even the fashionable designs still make me feel like Humpty Dumpty.
(silence)
MDH: Well, you know, it just means that you will have to buy yourself a whole new wardrobe.
(silence)
TSCD: OK!!!