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Friday, May 18, 2007

Beware the toothless granny

The toothless granny is a sweet old lady who lives in the hospital and has lost her dentures many years ago and smiles at you in an endearing gummy way. She is wrinkled and rosy and good natured and kind and hazardous. Be warned.

She will strangle you with your own stethescope when you are not looking. She will pull out your hair. There is much strength in those deceptively frail, delicate hands.

Do not eat anything presented to you by the toothless granny, especially the following:

1. Nuts. Especially nuts that appear suspiciously shiny. There are three questions you should ask yourself in this situation:
(a)Why does the toothless granny have nuts in her possession? She has no teeth to eat them with.
(b)Where did the toothless granny get the nuts from? The hospital does not supply nuts which are a choking hazard.
(c)Why are the nuts coming from a packet labelled 'Chocolate Coated Almonds'?

2. Malteasers or any other round chocolate sweet. Even Malteasers that appear to be individually wrapped in shiny red Malteasers wrappers. Do not eat them if the Malteasers feel heavier and squashier than they should be. Especially do not eat them if they feel, somehow, warm.

2 Comments:

Blogger iml said...

Yikes!!!....don't tell me, dear granny sucked clean the chocolate almonds and keeps the nuts as treats for visitors!!!! The malteasers oh.... I dread to imagine!!!!

11:30 am  
Anonymous Med Stu said...

ewww

11:08 pm  

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